Dirty Mag

It’s that time of year again! There’s nothing more thrilling than an enormous party on a brisk spring night, when the masses of women who are otherwise perfectly normal the rest of the year, go bra-less and will show anyone and everyone their tits. Small tits, big tits, high tits, low tits, old tits, new tits, fake tits, real tits, tan tits, pale tits, see-through, freckled; big nipples, little nipples, brown nipples, pink nipples, long nipples (ew), inverted nipples (some girls are just born unlucky), and there are so many combinations and shapes and sizes. If you have a hooter fetish, all you need to do is sit in a lawn chair with a few cases of brightly colored plastic beads, and dangle them in front of every vagina that walks by.

Your view of tits will only be obstructed by a dwindling supply of beads. For one night only, every woman in sight becomes a stripper.

I’d like to take a moment to review some of my favorites. The brunette, center, third row, is third place. The face she’s making is atrocious, but if you use your hand to cover her face, the rest of the package is worth the Down’s gleam in her scrunched up eyes. I’m partial to Tiny Pink Panties in the fourth row, center. Why go topless when you’re wearing sheer black over gigantic knockers, and no pants at all? 5 out of 5 for Tiny Pink Panties! 1st Place Prize to Pink Panties for originality, and a terrific looking crotch. Runner up is the Amy Adams lookalike, seventh row, center. She’s not quite developed enough to play Varsity, but I’m impressed with her talent. She’s managed to expose maximum flesh, and still look hot, –sans the face scrunching.

Who won the Erection Contest at your house? Let us know!

Jasmine Waltz has a sex tape out now! Who the hell is Jasmine Waltz? We don’t really know either, but some research shows that she was David Arquette‘s mistress, which isn’t exactly a claim to fame. Famous or not, though, she’s fucking hot, looking like a cross between Megan Fox and Adrianne Curry. The video’s being peddled at realjasmine.com where you can see a preview and some screen-caps of her tight little body and big tits. No doubt she’s trying to get attention like Kim Kardashian and the like despite her supposed surprise at this tape being leaked to the public, but who gives a shit? She’s hot, she’s fucking and sucking on film, and that’s all the excuse we’ve ever needed to watch porn stars in action. Hell, sometimes we even skimp on the hotness, but with Jasmine Waltz that’s not an issue at all. This is the type of woman we want to see in crazy, mainstream porn. Make it happen, folks, this is just the beginning!

Just when I was starting to think Taylor Momsen would pace herself before turning 18 on July 26, she goes and does something like this. The 17 year old singer isn’t shy at all about her sexuality, using that jailbait status to drive men (and women!) wild. She knows how to get around some difficulties, covering her nipples with electrical tape before flashing her perky teen tits to adoring audiences. We see her doing it again in Barcelona, having no qualms about showing off her skinny, sexy body. This time, however, Taylor Momsen takes things a bit further than just going topless, inviting a bunch of other girls on stage for some fun. She strips some of them down to their bras and panties and we even get some crazy hot pics of her grinding up against some other attention-starved teen. With less than two weeks to go before she hits the big “one-eight” we can only speculate what will happen at her birthday party/concert. Full nudity? Orgy? Something involving livestock?

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley isn’t really a household name, but Megan Fox wasn’t always one either. Rosie essentially replaced Megan Fox by becoming the eye candy in Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Fortunately, this British Victoria’s Secret model doesn’t need to transform at all, herself, because she’s pretty much perfect. With measurements of 34-25-35, she has a lovely and skinny hourglass figure, but these pics show that more than any numbers could. Her appearance in the new Transformers film as Carly Spencer could skyrocket her to stardom, and it will be interesting to see whether she continues modeling or sticks with acting. Either way, she’s already done topless photo shoots, so we can only hope she appears in more movies with those perky tits on display in high definition. Until then, enjoy her in the new Transformers movie; even if it’s not good, there’s something else to drool over other than giant robots.

Sure, I just posted a whopping three different girls on True Blood who just bared their tits for the world, but now I have to double up because Anna Paquin decided to get in on the act herself. The star of True Blood, and winner of an Oscar, Anna Paquin decided to give us a teasing flash of bare tit. I’m not a fan of the show, but if you watch it for the sexiness or sit through it because your girlfriend loves it, your time is rewarded with this hot, high-class actress’ sexily desperate show of tit. Maybe she was afraid that the rest of the cast was stealing the show with their blatantly topless antics and decided to do it yet again herself? Whatever the reason, True Blood and tits go together like vampires and pale skin, so enjoy!

I’ve watched all of one episode of True Blood and decided it wasn’t my thing, but at the least I’ve been missing out on a bunch of topless babes. On last night’s episode of True Blood, I missed out on a total of six tits! (That’s three women, for those of you that failed math or live near Chernobyl where this number varies) Janina Gavankar, Alexandra Breckenridge, and Lindsay Pulsipher all have a sexual scene of some type and all three of them have some nice, perky tits. With Game of Thrones finished for the season, we’ve gotta get our HBO titty fix from something else, so there’s always True Blood to fall back on if you like your girls to be topless vampires, topless werewolves, and so forth. There’s a theme here, if you hadn’t picked up on that.

Taylor Momsen, the leggy 17 year old lead singer of “The Pretty Reckless”, gets more reckless by the day. She turns 18 next month, but she’s already getting wilder at her rock concerts, this time wearing a shredded t-shirt which bares her breasts beneath. The wonderfully-trashy blonde keeps the not-yet-legal goods obscured only with a few strips of electrical tape, while keeping the older men at her concerts the anxious horndogs they are. Perhaps they’re hoping that if she’ll go this far now, that next month she’ll do things which would make Sasha Grey blush. I suppose we’ll find out for sure on July 26, 2011 and perhaps she’ll throw a birthday party not only for herself, but for the horny bastards who’ve been counting down the days (ahem, 42). Until then, ogle someone a bit older like, I dunno, Selena Gomez and her perky 18 year old ass.

Say what you will about Marilyn Manson, he’s done us a great public service by posting these topless pics of his smoking-hot ex girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood. Known for starring in things ranging from popular TV series True Blood to critically-acclaimed movie The Wrestler, she seems as if she’d be the prudish type like so many other “serious” actresses. Thankfully, she seems to be far from it, having openly admitted to her bisexuality and getting nude in HBO series Mildred Pierce. She shows off her perky little breasts in these weird, artsy photos, but what can you expect from Marilyn Manson? Fans of the slender beauty will no doubt enjoy these pics regardless, as she looks as beautiful as ever. Forget about Sasha Grey and her transition from the porn industry to mainstream acting; let’s cross our fingers and hope that Evan Rachel Wood does the exact opposite!

Sometimes it’s really tough to understand people, as Claudia Schiffer‘s husband has allegedly cheated on her and knocked up his mistress. Granted, said mistress was the smoking hot January Jones, eight years younger than Claudia. But really, is that any excuse? Just look at these recent pics of Claudia Schiffer: whether she’s clothed or fully topless, she’s still incredibly hot, especially for 40 years old. Any guy who’d risk losing a stunning MILF like her has some serious issues and doesn’t deserve either hottie.

Perhaps after husband Matthew Vaughn saw January Jones on the set of his X-Men film, in full costume as Emma Frost, he just couldn’t hold back his geeky fantasies. I’m willing to bet, though, that Claudia Schiffer would have donned the costume of any of the X-Men for him and looked damn hot doing it. Or maybe that’s just my own geeky fantasies speaking now.

We’ve got another glorious sexting scandal for you dear readers! This time the lovely lady behind the leaked cell phone pictures is Kat Dennings. You may not recognize the name, but I assure you, we all know her for her roles in flicks like Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, The House Bunny and The 40 Year Old Virgin.

The actress allegedly tried to text a couple naughty pictures of herself  to some lucky person, but they somehow hit the internet instead. Lucky us! The chick has a body women would kill to have and men would kill to fuck. I mean damn, look at those tits.