Dirty Mag

Gorgeous horror babes, and scream queens:

Akasha, as portrayed by Aaliyah (RIP) – Aaliyah, gorgeous, with a perfect body, and not to mention, the tragic character now that she’s dead, made the perfect vampire queen. In Queen of the Damned, she was sexy, romantic, deadly, vicious, –a perfect vampire. Her exotic looks totally transcended the genre; she was the black widow of contemporary scream queens.

Paris Hilton – Sure, I know what you’re thinking, –ditzy blonde airhead, –but those are practically prerequisites on the application for scream queen. Her death in House of Wax was priceless, –for one thing, because it was damn creative, and because she managed to survive for a pretty long while. Then, her antics in Repo: The Genetic Opera, –her face-off scene, amazing, plus, she was hot… and she sang!

Jenna Jameson – Just for her role in Zombie Strippers. I know, I could have picked a billion different babes, with way more acting credit, but –she fucking Jenna Jameson. She’s a Jenna Jameson zombie stripper! She’s hot and dead! If you’re a gore-met and a perverted fan of her porn, this is like the Holy Grail of Horror.

The gals in the celeb world have been showing off their goodies like mad lately and I am here to share all the awesomeness with you! Check it out:

First up we have Geri Halliwell’s lingerie photos! This old Spice Girl still has the goods – I mean, they may not be as perky and flawless as they once were, but hey, they still look good enough for us.

Paris Hilton’s tiny tits have shown up on the net yet again! Sadly she’s not topless, just in a bikini.

The sexy Hayley Hasselhoff recently posed topless for a new ad for The NOH8 Campaign. Not sure what her perfect  body has to do with anything, but hey, I’m not complaining, the chick is hot.

Some big bad photos of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton were recently leaked! The pictures are low quality, but are obviously of Paris and Lindsay.  What do these pictures show you may ask? Well, there are quite a few of them – some show Lindsay and Paris making out, others are of Lindsay making out with some other chick, and worst of all, there are a few that show little Lindsay shooting up. Bad bad girl.

Some claim that the drug pictures of Lindsay are of her “pretending to shoot heroin.” Um yeah, and this lit cigarette I have between my lips, well, I’m only pretending to smoke it. Riiiiiiight.

But look at the positive, we get some sorta hot low quality slut on slut action. Yay?

View all of the leaked photos here.

It seems that all the Class A pussy that we’ve been exposed to over the past few weeks has all dried up and this week, the trashiest of the trash decided to all step out at the same time and show us what they’re made of. Whether we asked them to or not. And I’m pretty sure we didn’t. Not even Tara Reid, who stepped back into the trashlight with some pics of her panties. And let’s face it. At the end of the day, trashy pussy is still pussy.

Jerry Hall has gone on a long, downward spiral since her Mick Jagger days, and these bikini pictures prove it. [Drunken Stepfather]

If you’re a Jersey Shore fan, (and there’s a startling number of them), you’ll love these JWoww upskirt pics. [Hollywood Sleazy]

And here we have it, Tara Reid performing like the drunken mess she is, and her latest boyfriend trying desperately to maintain his dignity. Because we all know all hope for hers is lost. [Egotastic]

Speaking of trash, we all know now why Lady Gaga insists on wearing all those ridiculous masks all the time. She’s hideous! And, judging from this nip slip pic, so are her tits. [Hollywood Sleazy]

Even though Paris Hilton is still on vacay in St. Tropez, she’s managed to put her pussy away for a little while. She’s still dancing around in a ridiculous futuristic girlie cut-away swimsuit though. And, according to Drunken Stepfather, looks like she may be packing some junk of her own. [Drunken Stepfather]

It’s been a good week for Paris Hilton. If her goal has been to get her name back in the news by flashing her pussy everywhere, it’s working. And say what you say, but Paris’ pussy is still something worthy of applause. All of these pictures were released just this week, and seem to all take place in St. Tropez, where Paris is currently vacationing. In one shot she seems to be playing tourist while giving her twat some air at the same time. Hard to tell if she’s wearing panties under that print, but I’m betting not. The second set is my favorite, with a drunken Paris putting on a show with both pairs of her lips.

Goddamn this was a great week for upskirts and titty flashes. Who knows if it’s the beautiful summer weather, or just some porn gods smiling down at us. But just this past week, Jennifer Aniston flashes her vag, Paris Hilton shows us her tits (again!), and then prances around in a bikini, and Kelly Brook shows off some lingerie. Which is almost better than all of the above combined.

Jennifer Aniston gives us just enough to keep us interested, but doesn’t overdo it with grotesque fame whore moves. Here she gives us a shot up her skirt which I truly think was innocent, and makes Jen even more delicious. [Hollywood Sleazy]

Paris Hilton went on vacation on a yacht this past week so you just know she had to take her top off and prance around a bit. Unlike Jen, Paris is a fame whore and her tits are kind of old and tired. But they’re still perky, and isn’t that really all that matters? [The Nip Slip]

And here’s Paris on the same vacation, in a bikini. Because no one can walk around topless all the time, ya know. [Drunken Stepfather]

Paris wasn’t the only one to go yachting this week. Shakira was also caught enjoying some sun and more importantly, waves – wet, wet, waves. While Shakira doesn’t do anything for me when she sings, these pics are undoubtedly hot! [Egotastic]

I’m still not exactly sure about who the hell Kelly Brook is. But I’ve had her tits shoved in my face enough to know that I like her! And these lingerie pics of her just prove to me why, once again. [Hollywood Sleazy]

There have been so many great upskirts over the past couple of days that I just couldn’t decide which one to post. So I figured, why deprive anybody of any one of these shots? Here they are, Miranda Kerr, Paris Hilton, and Kelly Brook, showing us the best of what they’ve got!

First, there’s the Miranda Kerr pantyhose upskirt. Nice! The only thing better than seeing Miranda Kerr’s fine form, is when we get to see it and she doesn’t even mean to show it to us!

Then there’s this Paris Hilton upskirt which I have to say, is super hot. I mean, Paris’ bare ass?! There’s never anything wrong with that, no matter how many times we’ve seen it! Kind of a weird pic though. It’s hard to say what’s in between her legs. Either her leg is at an odd angle, or she’s straddling something else (perhaps someone else’s leg) while going commando. Either way, I’m with the guy behind her who raises his glass is salute.

Kelly Brook in her hot little dress with her hot little matching panties. Everything to make your Tuesday perfect!

This week we have all the good stuff. With classic vag and pokie shots from those who can always be counted on, Paris Hilton and Katy Perry, to a new appreciation for those who are sometimes overlooked, such as Sheryl Crow, there really is a little bit of everything coming loose. And as usual, none of them disappointed.

Katy Perry gives us an upshot that takes the meaning of one to whole new level. While it’s clear that she’s wearing panties, it’s also clear that she’s got an unfortunate wedgie, and one of the very worst kind. [Boobie Blog]

Who knows why Sheryl Crow doesn’t get our attention more often. With bikini shots like this, she proves that she’s still very much MILF material. [Celebrity Bikini Gossip]

These pics of Megan Fox show her doing what she does best – shutting up and standing in underwear. Oh, and it’s Armani, but who the hells cares. It’s Megan Fox’s tits. [Egotastic]

Paris Hilton has forgotten her bra at home again and we get to reap the rewards with some fabulous Paris pokies. [The Nip Slip]

Pamela Anderson dons her classic red Baywatch bikini and well, seeing the differences between then and now is reason enough to check out these pics. [Celebrity Bikini Gossip]

Our favorite Hollywood ladies have been seemingly extra-careful about getting out of cars and going for bike rides lately, as there have been no good upskirts or vag shots for awhile. But the titties in Hollywood cannot be tamed and week after week, we get a good handful of them! Here are the prettiest boobies in town this week.

Kate Hudson’s tits have been the talk of the town and the consensus seems to be that yes, she did in fact have a boob job. And yes, they are smaller but still seem as firm and plump as you would want them to be. [Drunken Stepfather]

Jessica Simpson appeared on the Ellen DeGeneres Show recently and her tits could not be tamed! It was like a car accident, I wanted to look away but just couldn’t. I kept picturing my head between them, doing the harmonica. [Egotastic]

Ah, we can always count on Paris, can’t we? This week, Paris was caught out in a see-through top, sans bra, with that “Oh, what are you doing here? Me and my nips were just headed out for a walk,” look. [Fleshbot]

Sophie Howard and Sophie Reade. Topless. Together. Laughing and giggling on a bed together. Need we say more? Watch the video here! [Boobie Blog]

It’s been awhile since we’ve seen Britney and her tits out and about. Unfortunately, Brit seems to have cleaned up her act so there’s not so much as a nip slip in this picture. But, you can see her bra, and with Britney even a little will do. [The Superficial]

…Not necessarily do they need to make a porno ‘together’ but that would be pretty epic, if ten of the hottest, –or not so hottest (some of the people in this list are just for the sake of curiosity), screwed each other on tape. I’d be all over it; if they were selling, I’d buy, and then seek autographs of participants. Hell, I’d probably buy a few copies, because you know that shit would get scratched after the first 2 billion viewings at every single social event I ever had in my life. Including visits from plumbers, UPS deliveries, and the pizza guy. Not to mention the other 2 billion times I watch it on my own, with or without vibrator in hand.

Should these ten celeb guys ever make porno movies (not those bullshit 2 minute clips, or accidental junk slips caught on cam, but good, 20-30 minute dirty sex on cam), I will definitely need you to donate to my vibe battery fund. Keep an eye out people!

10. Benicio Del Toro – From Wolfman, to frigging Dr. Gonzo, to some guy who kidnaps Alicia Silverstone in an old 90′s movie I can’t even remember the name of, Benicio Del Toro is effing hot!!! Admittedly, the fact that Benicio is drop dead sexy gorgeous, is actually a hot debate amongst gay men and females, but as far as I’m concerned, no argument. And I desperately want to know how big his dick is, just for the sake of facts. I bet he’s hung like a donkey. Supposedly, he was once caught screwing some chick on an elevator security camera; not only is he hot, he’s freaky!

9. Steve Buscemi – Yes, I know, totally weird choice, but I think the guy’s probably a kink-monster in disguise. He just looks like someone with a dungeon, and a secret sex lab. Several women have told me about secret crushes on Steve Buscemi, and I can see the attraction. He’s hilarious, and balls to the wall bizarre, –both looking and acting. John Cheese compared Steve Buscemi and Paris Hilton in his Top Ten Celebrity Sex Videos Nobody Wanted to See post, and Steve Buscemi came out hotter. So I guess, his sex tape would be much more well-received. So Steve, hurry up and make one before you’re eating Viagra like M&M’s just to jerk off.

8. Gary Busey – Come on, he’s only 65! I bet he’s manic as hell in bed, and if Gary Busey doesn’t make a sex tape, I’d settle for his son, which brings me to…

7. Jake Busey -  Sorry, but this is for all the girls who ever saw the shower scene in Starship Troopers, and wanted more! Jake Busey was hot in Home Fries too, when he played insane Angus (typecast much?), beside Luke Wilson as his brother Dorian and Drew Barrymore. I love that Jake has all the sharp, spunky weirdness of his dad, but a much more attractive face.

6. Kiefer Sutherland – Unfortunately, Kiefer needed to make the video in the late 80′s or early 90′s, when he was really, extremely, pussy-wetness-inducing sexy.

5. Patrick Stewart – You can’t possibly tell me there aren’t women out there who never fantasized about Dr. Xavier, or Captain Jean-Luc Picard; a giant bald English man! And hey, he might be old and crusty now, but at one point he was buff!

4. Crispin Glover – Old Crispy is one of those people who are just endlessly creepy; his soft-spoken demeanor, fondness for bizarre show tunes, and lanky form just scream: Rapist in a dark alley! But still, he’s hot. His latest role as the flirty knave in Alice in Wonderland with an affinity for “largeness”, only further increases his mystique. Porn with Crispin Glover? Yes please! Unfortunately, the only thing close to Crispy porn is him chasing around his ‘dream girl’ in Simon Says.

3. Christian Bale – One of Bale’s prime shortcomings, at least in my book, is his violent temper; not long after his debacle with the lighting director on the set of Terminator: Salvation, he assaulted a female relative. But still, despite his temper, he’s hot. So he makes it to the number three spot. Christian Bale’s charm, hot looks, and tendency towards violence makes him this generation’s Billy Idol.

2. Leonardo Dicaprio – Not counting his role in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?, Leonardo Dicaprio almost always portrays a devilishly sexy young rogue, and though we’ve all heard rumors about his package, or lack thereof, who doesn’t want to see it? Just to make sure? I’d probably settle for just seeing his butt, especially after being teased with that sweaty scene in Titanic. Kate Winslet, you lucky bitch.

1. Johnny Depp – Obviously! His films have inspired various pornographic re-makes, and every straight man alive has nothing to say about Depp, aside from gay jokes, –obvious signs of jealousy! Johnny Depp has been in plenty of risque scenes, but for some reason, just never made the leap into porn. If you have the exact measurements of Depp’s package, plus proof of its size, or video evidence of an existing sex tape, please, direct us to the facts!  Inquiring minds need to know!