Dirty Mag

Reality show actors and “stars” are barely celebrities, and they’ll usually do pretty much anything to milk their few minutes of fame. Jenna Lewis, one of the actors in the first season of Survivor, took a different approach. Rather than rely on her charm, good lucks, and acting skills to cause drama in the usual way, –she made a sex tape with her husband. First off, she’s hot, –and if you don’t mind the occasional, incredibly sexy guy in your porn, her husband is male model Travis Wolfe.

Jenna, –not Jameson, not even close, but still cute, –originally told people, that the tape was “leaked” to the Netz. But after a few too many foot-in-mouth moments on TV, most people arrived at the conclusion that they leaked it themselves as a publicity stunt. The mystery cracked later, and it came out that they were in fact, selling the tape and receiving profits from the sales. Several versions of the video are available online, but since the video quality is crappy, there’s really not much to see. The blowjob scene is all right, but they skip the best part: what’s the point of watching a pretty, skanky blonde slobbering all over a cock if her tits aren’t jiggling around? Exactly; there isn’t one.

Oh and in her throat, of course. Paris Hilton and her boyfriend at the time, Rick Salomon made a sex tape in night vision, –for some reason, –in a hotel room. Most of the film is in night vision; only the last few minutes actually show Paris Hilton in full color, giving a blow job. Somehow, as crappy as the video is, it’s won two awards. More’s the pity really, since Paris Hilton is HOT as hell. Rick Salomon I could do without seeing, but hey, can’t be choosy until the next asshole she screws tapes her.

Rick Salomon leaked the video right before the premier of The Simple Life in 2004. Because Paris Hilton denied being aware that she was being videotaped, Salomon flipped out and sued her for defamation of character; Hilton counter-sued for him leaking the sex tape. Hilton won, and donated what she called “dirty money” to charities, and claims that profits from the video also go to charity. If so, good for her, though she should hurry up and make another, better porno.

I know everyone thinks figure skaters are hot; flexible, muscular, and such, but how many times have you seen them naked? Tonya Harding’s sex tape was leaked eventually, but rather than throw a fit, Harding and her husband released the tape so that, if nothing else, they could at least cash in on some royalties. The wedding night style roleplay is cute, and though the video quality is low, you hold out some hope after getting a shot of her pussy through some lacy panties.

But then.. she takes the dress off. Harding’s breasts are all nipple, and her arms and back are muscular, –so that she appears to be a long haired, teenage boy in the blurry, poor quality video. Talk about death to an erection.

Amy Fisher, known as the Long Island Lolita, was a drop dead gorgeous teenager; literally. She shot her lover’s wife in the head and landed herself in jail for seven years. Anyway, Google the story if you don’t know about it. After release from prison, Amy Fisher became an award winning journalist, but somehow, that wasn’t enough. After a sex tape leaked featuring Amy Fisher and her new husband, Fisher discovered the slut within once more.

Amy Fisher became a stripper and an adult movie star, –rather than deny her sexual lifestyle, she finally found a way to make her title work for her. Temptress, Lolita, Cold Blooded Murderess, –almost, anyway, and now a Stripper and a Porn Star. Amy Fisher is like Convicted Felon Barbie, complete with unrealistic breasts, and a stripper pole.

Sex tapes make for great publicity; regardless of their sexual orientation. Dustin Lance Black‘s tape however, was a fairly quiet affair, because he wasn’t an actor-type celebrity. Black was a background guy, despite his numerous theatrical awards. So when a sex tape surfaced, featuring he and a male partner having unprotected sex, there was a small outcry that was swiftly smothered because gay rights are such a taboo subject.

The Mormon-raised director and screenwriter later came out and made public statements about the importance of having safe sex. Yeah, practice what you preach, Orgazmo.

Not only does she have the most annoying-to-type names in existence, Scarlett Johansson is also rumored to star in her very own sex tape. Er, make that alleged sex tape. Or wait, yeah, alleged oral sex audio sex tape. Basically, the skinny on the hottie is this; a recording surfaced in November of ’06, featuring a couple in a car, during which a woman who had mistakenly left her mic on, gives a guy a very steamy blow job.

It sounds a lot like the sultry, low voice of Johansson, who instructs her male friend, “Yeah, cum” toward the end of the recording. The tape was being sold from a since-terminate Tripod site called “ScenesFromACar”, for $20. Most thought it was Lindsay Lohan, but later, focus shifted to Scarlett. Personally, I’d rather see Scarlett give a blow-job, than listen; though alas, like Meri Wilson says in her obscure hit about screwing a phone maintenance man, –”Get it any way you can, right?”

Katie Price might be an ignorant English bimbo, but she does have fabulous tits, –according to some sources, when she does don her much neglected bra, it’s an F-size cup. The explicit sex tape features a variety of action; from titty-banging to a vibrator fighting for entrance past crotchless panties, –it’s a thrill ride that for some reason, Katie Price just can’t seem to get into.

Maybe it’s her lack of porn star talent shining through, but this guy doesn’t seem to be doing it for her. “This guy” is actually Dane Bowers, Price’s ex, and probably one of the least attractive English men around. Some interesting trivia about Katie Price: She quit the hit reality show, “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here“, –where contestants were the focus of a recent scandal because they killed, cooked, and ate a rat.