Dirty Mag

We have a lot of terrific things to say about women who help themselves, and can stand up for the rights of other struggling career women, working hard to meet their life goals. We just don’t say them here. And we sure as hell don’t say them about ladies like Karrine Stefans. Here’s a woman who made her money off well, her money-maker, in hip hop videos and photo-shoots, then went on Oprah to whine about how degrading it is to be a sex symbol, and how women are objectified in the rap industry.

So.. then she makes a sex tape. To further objectify.. or wait, I mean, vindicate all of womankind? Yeah… The tape features her giving, you guessed it, “Superhead”, among other various sex acts that go on for quite some time. To be honest, I’m not really interested in her brains, or her charm. Just open your mouth, and stick out your tongue… then go make me a sandwich!

You might think it’s chauvinist but I’m serious, –there’s almost no information on Jimena Perini unless it’s about her sex tape. And wow, what a tape  it is. Perini is an Argentinian actress and model, and god, what an ass. Her sex video features her being fucked at every possible angle, including anal, and the guy she’s with isn’t some pencil-dick douchebag, constantly facing the camera. The only negative side of the tape is the bouncing camera, but by the time you get to that part, you’ll probably move your head with the video so you can watch Jimena Perini’s tits jiggle.

Okay, thank god, the sex tape was recorded back when she was thin. And I guess, before she was incredibly pregnant. Kerry Katona is like the UK equivalent of a combination of Britney, Whitney, and Heidi.. Montag, not Klum. She went from hot to ABSOLUTELY NOT! Anyway, basically, she was a popstar at 18, for like, the length of one whole album. Wow. Then the really icky attention whore habit kicked in, and the shit hit the fan as far as her various publicity stunts go. Later, she went on to become a C-list celebrity, appearing in several reality shows, and being rejected by many more.

The video began circulating in spring of ’07, and it featured a woman who vaguely resembles Katona finger fucking herself and using the phone. Most agree that it couldn’t possibly be Katona because her brain can’t handle doing two things at once. Some of her more recent scandals include, showing up sloshed on a morning show, punching her accountant, and buying cocaine and meth from her own mother. Britney Spears has never seemed like such a well-rounded individual in comparison.

A sobering story of a celebrity sex tape is that of Zahra Amir Ebrahimi alleged tape. This is one story where we would probably be better off to support the Iranian actress’s claims that she was not in the sex tape, as it appears the investigation is still under way. Oh and by the way, if she’s found guilty of appearing voluntarily in pornography, she may be executed. So over here in America, where Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson are enjoying the proceeds of their porn, women in Iran could die for such an act.

The law was made in response, many believe, to Iran’s first sex tape scandal. Iranian soap actress, Zahra Amir Ebrahimi, appeared in a sex tape with “Mr. X”, –a film producer that Ebrahimi was engaged to at the time. She asserts that he filmed the video with a lookalike in order to ruin her career. The man who appeared in the tape fled, but was later extradited from Armenia, and is still held in prison. The tape surfaced in early 2006, but was made before in 2004, –by December of ’06, eight people had been arrested in connection to the investigation of the tape. For all the celebrities out there bitching and complaining about being caught on tape: hey, at least you’re not rotting in prison, or facing possible execution.

Tom Sizemore has appeared in a lot of movies… especially movies I don’t go out of my way to see. Like, the one I was actually strapped down and forced to watch like one of those little Henson puppets in Dark Crystal, Saving Private Ryan. And True Romance, a lesser know Tarantino flick that rules much more righteously. But unfortunately, Sizemore’s role in his sex tape was even less interesting than his barely-qualifying-as-supporting-actor in other films.

There was actually a confirmed effort to get a celebrity actress or two to have sex with Sizemore on tape. Sadly, he was only able to secure a bunch of amateur, crab-ridden porn stars. Then Sizemore again with real effort, attempted to market his own “leaked” sex tape. And, as you guessed it, few people paid to see a fat, narcotic sucking, rejected rehab patient have sex with unknown skanks.

The 26 year-old Croatian actress and screenwriter is best known for roles in her native land, but is quickly becoming more well-known, and all because of that universal boost to every celebrity career (well, unless you’re a guy), the sex tape. As of 2006, an short video featuring Jelena leaked onto the Internet in which the Croatian soapstar blows some guy. If you’re not a fan of Croation soap operas, check it out anyway, –a young girl paying gratuitous attention to the ball sack, and picking pubic hair out of her teeth is more than enough guilty pleasure even if you don’t follow her television career.

Celebrities, don’t tape yourselves screwing, please. Not only is it probably the ultimate act of vanity, –jerking off to your own naked butt, –but it’s also an inevitable source of humiliation for these people. It might work wonders for the women involved, but I also end up vaguely disappointed when I see an otherwise attractive male celeb in a sex tape. Usually, we end up finding out they’re either hung like a parakeet, or have the coital skills of a midget with Down’s.

These are but a few of the reasons why it was so refreshing to watch Carolyn Murphy’s sex tape. Her asshole husband recorded it during their honeymoon, then tried to sell it after they were divorced. He was arrested and tried for extortion, –which is surprising, since almost no one ever gets in too much trouble for releasing sex tapes. Murphy hams it up like a paid porn star, and we can’t help but wonder if she could have been another Jenna Jameson, if she had followed a different career path.

In many cases, there just isn’t life after pop-stardom, –around 70% of pop stars just don’t make out very well after they split from a group. Whether it’s clinical insanity, homosexual orgies, or homicidal criminal behavior, –the ex-pop-star is usually a creature of mild interest and the potential for scandal is always boiling away under the surface. The problem is, usually the scandals produced at the ex-pop-star point in their careers is self-manufactured, which usually drains away interest.

Sex tapes are always a great way to grab the public, –particularly the male public, by the dick, and renew some interest. Same goes for Anna Jandrasopark, or Issaraporn Jandrasopark, –part of the four girl Thai pop group “JAMP” (Jennifer, Anna, Michele and Por). JAMP enjoyed moderate success after the release of a few teen and tween friendly albums in Thailand, and then went their separate ways. Anna’s boyfriend supposedly left sex videos of them on a laptop, and sent it for repairs. The video featured the two all tangled up with some angry looking sex toys, and if you have an hour to watch the whole thing, you can find it here.

The video of ‘Allison Williams’ having sex in the back of a news van was opposed vehemently by the accused performer. When the tape appeared in 2004, the Williams was livid, and immediately sued. Not because the tape was stolen, but because the woman featured in the rather graphic video, was not her. It’s true that despite the surroundings in the video, –it does look like the back of a news van, –the woman doesn’t look like Williams at all.

Williams sued almost 60 different defendants over the distribution of the tape. Regardless of whether or not it was her in the tape, millions were paid in damages. The woman in the tape is a mystery, but she sure looks like she’s having fun. The faux-Williams plays with her pussy before breaking out the hardware, –a remote control vibrator that works the clit too! Oooh, my favorite. Whoever invented the first vibrator that worked both clit and pussy, was a true hero. The guy in the video though is barely a mouthful, so if you were hoping to see any decent cock, forget it.

Chu Mei-feng was at one point, enjoying a promising political career, she was a Taiwanese TV journalist, but was also a Taipei City councilwoman and served as the former director of Hsinchu City’s Bureau of Cultural Affairs. But you’d be surprised how much one’s career options are limited when involved with a married man, –and just happened to tape the encounter. Chu Mei-feng showed up in a sex tape with a married man in 2001, and shortly after left her job because of media fallout.

Though she eventually got back on her feet, personally, I think she’s much more attractive on her back. Despite her age at the time the video was recorded, –she was almost 40! –Chu Mei-feng still had a fabulous body.