Dirty Mag

But.. but.. we just covered her sex tape with Justin Frye, or whoever, like, two weeks ago. Now she’s already having another sex tape leaked. When are these stupid tarts going to learn, –don’t tape yourself screwing. Besides, her old sex tape is totally creepy. She looks like a 14 year old. The new one supposedly involves lesbian sex with a woman named ‘Tayrn’, –Tayrn’s ex was the one who blew the lid off the existence of the latest sex tape. Since we have yet to see it, you’ll just have to make do with the creepy stills from her old leaked sex tape, –well, old as in, leaked just a couple weeks ago.

Hilarious, watching two grown men fight over a social networking site; even more hilarious, watching the only gay man alive with no sense of fashion, and probably Courtney Love’s only friend, calling someone else a flake. “You’re stupid!” … “No, YOU!” –Don’t these people have rich lawyers to do this kind of thing for them?

The whole fight started over Perez Hilton confirming the existence of an alleged sexual harassment lawsuit filed against the creator of The Hills, Adam DeVillo, by Heidi Montag. The story made the NY Post, and then it made Spencer Pratt seriously pissed off. After much profanity, and middle school insult tossing, Hilton revealed that Pratt told him about the existence of a sex tape featuring Lauren Conrad. And the show goes on.

Just further proof that rich white blonde chicks have no business in the country music business. Though to be honest, when the occasional busty blonde country singing wannabe happens to get caught in a sex tape scandal, –well, who cares about what she’s doing to country music? She’s on her back, with her legs in the air!

The pill-popping star of ‘Celebrity Rehab’ is currently embroiled in a lawsuit with Vivid Entertainment, over the public release of her sex tape where she’s screwing some guy she calls “Peter”. McCready is also famous for being the “Baseball Mistress”, –Roger Clemens rejected her pleas to leave his wife for her. As far as the sex tape goes, we can’t find it, because Vivid Entertainment is hiding the teaser now that they’re being sued. But all we have to say is, thank god it was recorded before she got fat and wrinkly.

Fake breasts aren’t a big deal; they look great on Imogen Thomas, –they’re round and perky, and bouncy, but they’re just a little too veiny up close. They actually look blue-ish. Someone needs to tan! Imogen Thomas was a beauty queen, and a reality star over in the UK for her role in Big Brother, and later became even more well-known for her appearance in a sex tape with her ex. The tape was made a few years ago, most likely before any cosmetic surgeries; her tits are smaller and her face lacks collagen.

Unfortunately, the sex tape that everyone seems so crazy about, is dead boring, and features over a minute of her sitting there, touching her hair, and doing… nothing. The light is minimal, and video is grainy and anything naughty isn’t really visible. If you really want to see Imogen Thomas looking hot, you’ll check out her topless photoshoot with Zoo.

We have a lot of terrific things to say about women who help themselves, and can stand up for the rights of other struggling career women, working hard to meet their life goals. We just don’t say them here. And we sure as hell don’t say them about ladies like Karrine Stefans. Here’s a woman who made her money off well, her money-maker, in hip hop videos and photo-shoots, then went on Oprah to whine about how degrading it is to be a sex symbol, and how women are objectified in the rap industry.

So.. then she makes a sex tape. To further objectify.. or wait, I mean, vindicate all of womankind? Yeah… The tape features her giving, you guessed it, “Superhead”, among other various sex acts that go on for quite some time. To be honest, I’m not really interested in her brains, or her charm. Just open your mouth, and stick out your tongue… then go make me a sandwich!

You might think it’s chauvinist but I’m serious, –there’s almost no information on Jimena Perini unless it’s about her sex tape. And wow, what a tape  it is. Perini is an Argentinian actress and model, and god, what an ass. Her sex video features her being fucked at every possible angle, including anal, and the guy she’s with isn’t some pencil-dick douchebag, constantly facing the camera. The only negative side of the tape is the bouncing camera, but by the time you get to that part, you’ll probably move your head with the video so you can watch Jimena Perini’s tits jiggle.

Okay, thank god, the sex tape was recorded back when she was thin. And I guess, before she was incredibly pregnant. Kerry Katona is like the UK equivalent of a combination of Britney, Whitney, and Heidi.. Montag, not Klum. She went from hot to ABSOLUTELY NOT! Anyway, basically, she was a popstar at 18, for like, the length of one whole album. Wow. Then the really icky attention whore habit kicked in, and the shit hit the fan as far as her various publicity stunts go. Later, she went on to become a C-list celebrity, appearing in several reality shows, and being rejected by many more.

The video began circulating in spring of ’07, and it featured a woman who vaguely resembles Katona finger fucking herself and using the phone. Most agree that it couldn’t possibly be Katona because her brain can’t handle doing two things at once. Some of her more recent scandals include, showing up sloshed on a morning show, punching her accountant, and buying cocaine and meth from her own mother. Britney Spears has never seemed like such a well-rounded individual in comparison.

A sobering story of a celebrity sex tape is that of Zahra Amir Ebrahimi alleged tape. This is one story where we would probably be better off to support the Iranian actress’s claims that she was not in the sex tape, as it appears the investigation is still under way. Oh and by the way, if she’s found guilty of appearing voluntarily in pornography, she may be executed. So over here in America, where Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson are enjoying the proceeds of their porn, women in Iran could die for such an act.

The law was made in response, many believe, to Iran’s first sex tape scandal. Iranian soap actress, Zahra Amir Ebrahimi, appeared in a sex tape with “Mr. X”, –a film producer that Ebrahimi was engaged to at the time. She asserts that he filmed the video with a lookalike in order to ruin her career. The man who appeared in the tape fled, but was later extradited from Armenia, and is still held in prison. The tape surfaced in early 2006, but was made before in 2004, –by December of ’06, eight people had been arrested in connection to the investigation of the tape. For all the celebrities out there bitching and complaining about being caught on tape: hey, at least you’re not rotting in prison, or facing possible execution.

Tom Sizemore has appeared in a lot of movies… especially movies I don’t go out of my way to see. Like, the one I was actually strapped down and forced to watch like one of those little Henson puppets in Dark Crystal, Saving Private Ryan. And True Romance, a lesser know Tarantino flick that rules much more righteously. But unfortunately, Sizemore’s role in his sex tape was even less interesting than his barely-qualifying-as-supporting-actor in other films.

There was actually a confirmed effort to get a celebrity actress or two to have sex with Sizemore on tape. Sadly, he was only able to secure a bunch of amateur, crab-ridden porn stars. Then Sizemore again with real effort, attempted to market his own “leaked” sex tape. And, as you guessed it, few people paid to see a fat, narcotic sucking, rejected rehab patient have sex with unknown skanks.

The 26 year-old Croatian actress and screenwriter is best known for roles in her native land, but is quickly becoming more well-known, and all because of that universal boost to every celebrity career (well, unless you’re a guy), the sex tape. As of 2006, an short video featuring Jelena leaked onto the Internet in which the Croatian soapstar blows some guy. If you’re not a fan of Croation soap operas, check it out anyway, –a young girl paying gratuitous attention to the ball sack, and picking pubic hair out of her teeth is more than enough guilty pleasure even if you don’t follow her television career.