Softcore Vampire Porn: I Am Virgin (2010)

8 Apr

When I think of vampire porn, I think of that skinhead guy from True Blood drill that redhead like a jackhammer, –and that was pretty graphic, but still, nothing really ‘showed’. Aside from his fabulous muscles and her tits. So while huge jugs, tattoos, and vampire sex is hot, the new softcore porn ‘I Am Virgin’ still has me on the fence. When it comes to porn, the story isn’t really important, but since the movie isn’t billed as actual porn, –they’re calling it a horror spoof/comedy, we have to at least throw out something for people interested in what happens.

The world is taken over by a vampire virus that turns everyone into a nymphomaniac vampire. The only way for humans to have sex with vampires without turning, as explained by Ron Jeremy in his crazy cameo, is to not feel guilty about the sex while you screw them. The only human left in all of post-apocalyptic Portland, Oregon, is a henpecked virgin, who has apparently suffered permanent damage from his anti-sex parents, –because the movie ends after he has done nothing more than spy on a bunch of vampires humping each other, and play with his dick.

The hot alt porno girls will keep you interested, and believe it or not, once you get about 46 minutes in, there is an actual shot of pussy. Just keep your eyes peeled. While the movie is great for guys who love a good, raging case of blue balls, there’s nothing graphic or “disgusting” as one reviewer referred to it, on IMDb. Yes, nary a cock or pussy to be found.

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