Pornography Trivia: Mull of Kintyre Test
22 Feb
There’s a lot of fun facts and trivia in the porno industry. It’s not all about a bunch of greasy guys filming two people going at it in an abandoned warehouse. Pornography is an art, and it does require skill. Though celebrities with cell phones might capture the occasional blurry fuck session, and it’ll be popular fast, it’s not proper porn. It’s just a blurry fuck session. Real pornography involves great camera work, and evolved morals that don’t shy away from hanging out with naked people, or the occasional accidental act of stepping in a puddle of semen.
Which is why it’s kind of funny that we’ll be talking about some of the trade secrets of softcore porn, since most people don’t even consider it to be real porn. There is some skill involved however, in making a porno without showing any nudity whatsoever. Some soft porn features female nudity, but never an erect penis, or full view of anything other than the female’s pubic area. Strategic placement of limbs, furniture, potted plants, and pasties or skin colored panties that hide the important bits.
Some softcore porn or even feature films, do in fact show the male penis, but the erect penis is the ultimate no-no. In England before 2002, for example, if your male actor fails the Mull of Kintyre Test, your movie will have to be either re-edited or remain unreleased. The BBFC’s (British Board of Film Classification) “unofficial guideline” was if the penis was in a state of arousal that made it more vertical than a map’s depiction of the Mull of Kintyre, then it couldn’t be shown. The Mull of Kintyre is a peninsula on the coast of Scotland that has the unfortunate distinction of looking exactly like a cock.
Pretty interesting, really, –I wonder if Florida has any porn movie guidelines? Its shape is slightly phallic, and it’s known for being one of the top tourist destinations in the world, filled to the brim with excess and debauchery of all kinds. As a resident, I can tell you, it’s definitely a state of arousal.
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