Dirty Mag

I’m serious, dude; Ke$ha is partnering with LifeStyles condoms, –also known as “the little condom company that could”, –and she’s having her face put on 10,000 of them, and plans to shoot the rubbers out into the crowd at her shows. Personally, I think that’s probably pushing it. I don’t want Ke$ha’s face in my pussy, –not on a condom, and certainly not in real life. That girl put the whore in horrifying, and there’s probably a cold sore or two on her lips too. Yuck. I can see how having Ke$ha’s face on your cock might be a novel idea, but finding a chick willing to have a picture of Ke$ha stuck in her pussy? Eh… I doubt they’ll be lining up guys.

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I’m not especially ‘desperate’ for Lady Gaga nudity. I mean, it’s  not like she’s a prude. Actually, I could probably Twit her, politely ask for nudes, and get them. But these pics are better, because she’s wearing something resembling clothes. Except the shoes. The shoes look like something you’d buy to club baby seals with. I love her outfit, and not just because you can see her tits… I’m lying. I like her outfit because I can see her tits. I think she’s got some kid of makeup or something on her nipples though; like a paste to make them less visible and more skin toned. But no such luck, the nipples are very visible, despite the attempt to hide them. I also don’t see the point of wearing nude colored briefs. Why not a thong? Lady Gaga’s half-hearted attempts at modesty come in rather schizophrenic doses.

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Well, not really; these are stills from the trailer of Miley XXX, –and it’s definitely worth checking out, if not buying. This girl looks exactly like Miley Cyrus. And, for all we know, acts just like her too, –right down to snorting coke off that stripper’s ass. Click the link, watch the trailer, –it’s long enough to jerk off to, –and I know, I tested it. And enjoy our gallery while you’re at. This is the Blair witch project of pornos, –that redneck guy with the handlebar mustache looks like her dad, –she even says so! which is weird, but that doesn’t stop the Miley-look alike from blowing him. So until we get our Miley sex tape, –trust me, I doubt we’ll be waiting long, –this will definitely take up those lonely hours.

Check it out here – Mileyxxx.com

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That’s right, I said it. Britney Spears is still Barbie-doll hawt, and better, –for one thing, Britney has genitalia and nipples, –so she’s even more awesome than Barbie. And she’s life-sized too. Sure she was strung out for a while there, and bald… and emotionally unbalanced. But I can forgive her, as should you. And I find that, seeing her half naked in V magazine just encourages my forgiveness; so isn’t it time we all moved on and looked at Britney Spears, almost naked, mostly topless, and –oh my, you can see the dimples above her ass! See, I’m in the mood for some forgiveness already.

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And why shouldn’t she? Megan Fox is hot; she’s the Queen of All My Lesbian Fantasies; that’s right guys, you’re hearing about how hot Megan Fox is from a chick who has, in real life, on several occasions, had masturbatory fantasies about her. Wam, bam, thank you ma’am. And if I can’t resist Megan Fox looking all prone and sexy in her tattoos –which are all literary, and to me, that’s a big turn on, since chicks who read are hot anyway, –then I know you can’t. Behold, O Seekers of Hot Chix, pictures of Megan Fox in her undies! Try not to drool on your keyboards, mk?

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What’s on the ol’ boob tube? Well, strange you should ask, –lots and lots of boobs, actually. In fact, the tits have invaded television! And if TV was ever going to be invaded with anything that isn’t (gag) more reality TV, I’d be thrilled, really, but these invaders are definitely welcome. Who are our Titty Tyrants?

Shameless

Emmy Rossum and Laura Wiggins from Shameless (Emmy Rossum video) (Laura Wiggins video)

Laura Wiggins plays sexy seductress Karen Jackson on Shameless, co-starring with Emmy Rossum, who plays the dysfunctional daughter, Fiona Gallagher. Emmy Rossum, definitely hot, plus, she looks like the kind of girl who can hold her own in bed. Laura Wiggins, –eh, I don’t care how hot you are, showing your tits to William H. Macy is -weird-.

Californication

Melissa Stephens Totally Topless Sex, Callie Thorne Covers Up Her Tits, and Addison Timlin’s Crazy Cleavage in Californication (Melissa Stephens video) (Callie Thorne video) (Addison Timlin video)

Melissa Stephens is Peggy in Californication; her sex scene is great, –hot and hilarious. Callie Thorne… she’s an older lady but her tits are still decent; personally I think that was the whole point of them appearing on the show, –and Addison Timlin’s cleavage is amazing, and I shed a tear for having missed them being exposed this episode.

Camelot

Eva Green is a Crazed Sex Fiend, Tamsin Egerton is the Soft, But Sexy Submissive Type (Eva Green and Tamsin Egerton video)

Eva Green is by -far- the hotter scene. She is totally screwing this guy’s brains out, and I could definitely stand a few hours alone with her. But, Tamsin Egerton as Guinevere, while hot, is a little too fruity; the whole ‘rolling in the sand and making sweet passionate love’…not for me.

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Rather than wait for the weekend, people are filling the streets of New Orleans to get their beads NOW! which means, that with a prequel like this, the real party is going to be completely out of control! These girls are willing to show off their tits before the party really gets cranked up this weekend, –so now, I can’t help but hope for public sex, and hot women running naked through the streets. A bi-girl can dream, can’t she? Damn skippy; so if you think we’ve got tit pics a’plenty today, –wait till this weekend. Mardi Gras girls going topless… and more to come soon!

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I wonder if Jim Carey ever looks at Momen’s pics and inadvertently finds himself wondering when her 18th birthday is? I wonder because, Carey worked with Momsen when she was like, 9 or something, in The Grinch, and now she’s jail bait.. like, AGGRESSIVE jail bait. As in, if you were male and happened to find yourself in a dark alley, watch out for Taylor Momsen, because if she’s out there, you’re not getting away until you’re screwed; literally and figuratively. I love her shirt in these pics; ‘I FUCK FOR SATAN’ is a good way to sum up the sentiments she was feeling that day. Funny too, since she was raised Roman Catholic. I wonder how her parents feel about her fucking for Satan. Then again, you know how parents are, –if there’s money involved, Momsen won’t just fuck for Satan, she’ll fellate, cook, clean, and flaunt her parts in public as soon as its legal.

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I looked around forever for decent nudes of Natalie Portman, in the short film Hotel Chevalier, but they don’t exist. So I set out to catch my own, but –and this is the kicker, the reason you can’t find any good nudes from the movie, is because they don’t exist. Natalie Portman plays Jack Whitman’s mind-screwing ex-girlfriend, whom he ran away from, and hid in a Paris hotel room from, for over a month. The scenes unfolding in the short film are discussed later in The Darjeeling Limited, between Jack and his two brothers, played by Adrien Brody, and Owen Wilson. I only bring all this up because I think both are brilliant, and not just because they both have crazy tourist sex in them.

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I hate having to decide between porno movies for stimulation, and horror movies for actual entertainment, so it’s always a relief to find a horror movie with decent nudity in it; that is to say, more than one scene with tits. Because, more often than not, there’s like one titty shot that lasts five seconds, tops, and that’s it. Not that the gore and mindless violence don’t keep me entertained, but nudity is important for a good horror film too. The Clinic (2011) is about a backwoods baby-ectomy, –late term pregnancy, so we can assume they snatched the baby. There’s lots of weird nudity and full frontal shots with a badly stitched stomach wound. Never understood the whole, waking up in a bathtub full of ice with stitched incision concept; wouldn’t it be less troublesome to just take your organs/baby and leave without bothering to sew them up? If you’re willing to sink to baby/kidney stealing, why not murder? The world of cinema logic is a strange one.

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