Dirty Mag

Big news for those of you into the mature porno movie scene! And, a helpful precaution to the rest of the people in the world who prefer women who don’t remove their teeth before blowing a guy. They are making a Golden Girls porno, –they being the New Sensation film production company. The idea is to make an ‘All MILF’ parody, and I guess spoof the Golden Girls with the ‘hottest MILFs” out there today; Lisa Ann, Puma Suede, Julia Ann and Diamond Foxxx. Not really my thing, but still, some of these ladies haven’t yet passed their expiration date.

There are some Kama Sutra positions that really need to be overlooked, namely, most of them, unless you and your partner are both in peak physical condition, and capable of lifting at least 200 pounds comfortably, for extended periods of time. A couple examples:

Suspended Congress – The man supports himself against a wall, and the woman, sitting on his hands joined together and held underneath her, arms round his neck, her thighs alongside his waist, moves herself by her feet, which are touching the wall against which the man is leaning.

–First of all, if you have a bad back, you’ll probably put yourself in the hospital, if you drop the woman, you could fracture her lower back, or even rip her arms out of the sockets.

Turning Position – The man lays on top of his partner, and without removing his penis, turns himself, full circle.

–Think ‘helicopter’. Get it? Yeah. Not only do the physics of this move seem utterly impossible, but if you think you can handle it, keep it mind you can easily injure your dick, or literally, tear apart your girl’s vag if you’re not careful.

So maybe you should grab a “simple” kama sutra manual, before you go trying anything too complex. It’s good to mix it up, but not without really knowing what you’re doing, and being super careful.

If you don’t know who this sexy Dutch model is, you sure do now. David Walliams’ girlfriend Lara Stone is certainly turning a lot of heads lately, first gracing the cover of  Vogue magazine, modeling in countless high profile runways and now showing off that fucking flawless body of hers in a nude shoot for Love magazine.

You have to give it up for Love, they sure know how to sell their magazine. Lara isn’t the only star to pose on the cover nude. Their first issue featured singer Beth Ditto naked and another issue had the sexy Kate Moss entirely nude.

Love wins!

You know that when you name your kid Rumer, there’s gonna be problems. But, Demi Moore and Bruce Willis obviously didn’t think that one through and their daughter, Rumer Willis has been the subject of much controversy and scandal ever since. I don’t think it helped that she’s rather unsuccessfully tried to break her way into show biz, and so gave the tabloids yet another reason to tear her apart. But, it’s this same picking apart that brings us wonderful panty upshots such as this one that Rumer was unfortunately (for her) caught in. Seriously, why are people giving this girl a hard time, when she so easily can get anyone hard? I admit, I’ve seen some fugly shots of the girl myself, but with her pussy almost peeking out, she’s okay by me.

This upskirt got me a bit more interested in Rumer and after doing some digging, I found out that this indeed was not Rumer’s first slip-up on camera. She was also caught naked, well almost naked, for the film House Bunny, which was a comedic film that Rumer did in 2008 and the picture is taken from a scene in that movie. Hopefully, Rumer keeps exposing these much better sides of herself and we, as well as the tabloids, can just get our love on for Rumer.

Oh, summer is just around the corner and with it, our favorite celebrities are stripping down to nearly bare and we get to sit back and admire. Here are some of the hottest bikini pics that the stars had to throw our way this week. And some of these gained particular attention when making the rounds.

Who is Michelle Hunziker? I didn’t know, until I came across these super hot bikini pics of her and had to find out more. For those like me, she’s a Swiss actress/model that is big in Italy and Greece. More importantly, she’s a super hot chic who likes to flaunt her shit in super hot sexy bikinis! [Egotastic]

Sophie Monk’s latest bikini pics. Love it or hate it? This one’s getting a lot of mixed reviews but I give it a thumbs up! Not only did Sophie manage to take the best article of clothing EVER and make it even smaller and sexier, but hey – it’s Sophie Monk. And she’s full on hot! [Taxi Driver Movie]

Who’s Shauna Sand? Okay, this one might be a little more familiar to you. She’s an American actress but more than that, she’s a Playmate that’s given us the pleasure of looking at her vag and titties numerous times. Here she’s just in a bikini, but it’s a hot one! And I have to say, there’s something seriously wrong with her lips and unfortunately, I think it’s more than just bad camera angle. [Celebrity Bikini Gossip]

Shenae Grimes is Annoyingly Hot. It’s true, this bitch is the whiniest thing that’s ever come to Hollywood, and with absolutely no talent might I add. But put her in lingerie, where we can only imagine what her little pokies look like underneath, and it’s easy to forget why we hate her so much. [Egotastic]

Audrina Patridge is Single and Hotter Than Ever. The Hills star spent some time in Las Vegas this week and every paparazzi on Earth was there to snap away so that we all could appreciate the beauty that is Audrina Patridge in a bikini. [Moe Jackson]

I don’t understand the actual name of the fashion line, but whatever, unimportant. Lindsay Lohan has signed her name the fashion line 6126, –whether she actually designs the clothes or not is up for debate, but the line is clearly for sluttier dressers. Which is fine for us! Less clothing, more skin, for the win! Poetry, yeah. Lindsay Lohan did a photoshoot for her fashion line, –I guess they design clothes for back-up dancers in rap videos, but hey, hot anyway. Lohan is still looking fantastic, but personally, I miss the red hair.She looks so generic and bleh as a blond.

Aaaaah! Kim Kardashian’s is coming to get you! Someone, make her sit down, quick, before her ass eats that bikini and terrorizes the city! Seriously though, I love a huge ass, –not necessarily a gigantic 450 lb ass, but a big, -fat-, chewable ass. Something you can sink your teeth into. Anyway, Kim Kardashian’s ass isn’t quite there, but with a few more trips to Burger King, she’ll be there. In the meantime, here are a few pics of her in  a bikini.

When I think of vampire porn, I think of that skinhead guy from True Blood drill that redhead like a jackhammer, –and that was pretty graphic, but still, nothing really ‘showed’. Aside from his fabulous muscles and her tits. So while huge jugs, tattoos, and vampire sex is hot, the new softcore porn ‘I Am Virgin’ still has me on the fence. When it comes to porn, the story isn’t really important, but since the movie isn’t billed as actual porn, –they’re calling it a horror spoof/comedy, we have to at least throw out something for people interested in what happens.

The world is taken over by a vampire virus that turns everyone into a nymphomaniac vampire. The only way for humans to have sex with vampires without turning, as explained by Ron Jeremy in his crazy cameo, is to not feel guilty about the sex while you screw them. The only human left in all of post-apocalyptic Portland, Oregon, is a henpecked virgin, who has apparently suffered permanent damage from his anti-sex parents, –because the movie ends after he has done nothing more than spy on a bunch of vampires humping each other, and play with his dick.

The hot alt porno girls will keep you interested, and believe it or not, once you get about 46 minutes in, there is an actual shot of pussy. Just keep your eyes peeled. While the movie is great for guys who love a good, raging case of blue balls, there’s nothing graphic or “disgusting” as one reviewer referred to it, on IMDb. Yes, nary a cock or pussy to be found.

I don’t really have much use for Lily Allen. Does the girl sing? Does she act? I’m pretty sure that she sings as, from what I’ve ever seen of her, she’s trying to be just like Katy Perry. But, when this girl takes her clothes off, I forget all the nasty things I ever thought about her and think “SHA-ZAM! That girl is hot!” But now Harper’s Bazaar is taking a truly bizarre twist.

The magazine has taken a photo of Lily in which she poses topless, wearing devil horns, and holding a cigarette. The picture was originally part of a photo shoot Lily did for Harper’s Bazaar Russia back in December but the Australian version of the magazine has given it a new twist. They’ve ditched the cig and have painted the picture rather than just posting the original on the cover. David Bromley was the masterpiece for the cover shot of Harper’s Bazaar Australia and while I must say that he caught Lily’s tits in their finest form, I’m also confused. Why a painting? Why not just use the original picture? Is it a legal thing? They didn’t have rights to the original piece? I’m not really too sure. Maybe they figured there are a lot of people like me and that we don’t actually want to look at Lily Allen – just her beautiful tatas.

Here we’ve given you the painting of Lily, the original picture from the photo shoot, and one more pic from the original shoot. That last pic doesn’t impress me all that much. It’s a whole lot of Lily and not nearly enough boob!

The world knows by now that Jesse James is a cheating hoe and it seems that between Sandra Bullock’s broken heart and all the Nazi pictures, nothing good could possibly come out of the affairs. And the number of Jesse James’ mistresses has reached Number Five now. But wait. There is still some good to be found here, you just really have to look. That good is sex tapes, of course, and Jesse’s got a bunch of them! Twelve, to be exact. How the tapes were found or by whom exactly is unknown. But it is thought that one of the tapes features none other than Sandra Bullock herself! And that particular tape is extremely graphic from the sounds of it.

I can only imagine what Jesse did with his Nazi-loving mistress, Michelle McGee, but Sandra’s way more than kinky herself it seems. And if this tape ever gets out, no one will ever look at her like Miss Congeniality again. In the tape starring Jesse and Sandra, it’s reported that Jesse smears shit (yes, actual shit) on Sandra’s lip before shoving a shotgun up her asshole. All of this of course, while he’s wearing that wicked Nazi garb. This could spell trouble for Sandra should the tapes ever get out. And Radar Online has already reported that the reason why Sandra has been holding up the divorce process is because she doesn’t want her most private secrets revealed. Private, indeed.

I’m betting that Sandra decides the risk is worth it and divorces Jesse’s ass. And it won’t be too long after that those tapes will be revealed. Stay tuned, we’ll bring it all to ya! In the meantime, enjoy the pics of Michelle McGee, Michelle Hunzik, and of course, Sandy herself!