Internet Dating Danger is this Week’s Dirty Urban Legend
10 Jan
Sure there are the usual dangers of Internet dating, but this is one of those things that goes beyond identity theft, stalkers, creepy rapist guys, and one-night stands that leave you with a gift that keeps on giving. The next time you sit, chatting online, getting cozy with anonymous strangers, you may want to wonder who these people are. This story is one of my favorites, probably just speaks to the dirty fetishist in me, but that’s okay.
The story starts like the best stories do; with a single woman, down on her luck romantically, but attractive enough. So she starts chatting with local guys, way back when not having a photo of yourself online was weird. The Internet was a new, nifty thing; you could get down and dirty in text with some completely random individual. So back to our single lady, Naughty Nicole, we’ll call her. She finally meets this guy who describes himself as everything she finds hot in a guy, Dirty Dave. These two hit it off right away, and start on a cyber romance that’s more lust than anything else.
The steamy cyber meetings go on for hours, day in and day out, until eventually, she can’t wait to get back to her computer and get re-acquainted with Dirty Dave. One night, during a little cyber pillow talk, they decide to meet up and see if their parts fit together in person as they do in a virtual plane. So Naughty Nicole and Dirty Dave set up a time and place; she gets a hotel room, leaves a key for him at the front desk, –hopefully omitting the “Dirty” part of his identity to the receptionist in care of his key, –and heads upstairs to prepare the room.
She scatters some rose petals around the bed, lights some incense, and has a treasure trove of toys, oils, condoms, and more, not to mention, the smashing lingerie she’s gotten, just for this event. But once she’s thought it over, Naughty Nicole can’t help but get a tiny bit shy, so she turns off the lights. Naughty Nicole sprawls out on the bed, nearly naked, legs spread, head back, in an absolutely wicked ‘come hither’ position… when the door opens, and Dirty Dave calls out “You in there, Naughty Nicole?” She answers, “Yes, Dirty Dave!” and within minutes, they’re tangled hopelessly, driving the neighbors crazy with all the groaning and moaning.
Naughty Nicole and Dirty Dave are pretty impressed with each other once they’re satisfied, and laying, facing each other in the dark. Dirty Dave fumbles on the night stand for a moment, and produces two cigarettes. Gentleman that he is, Dave goes to light the cigarette poking out of Naughty Nicole’s extremely naughty mouth, and the flame leaps up, illuminating the two faces peering at each other in the dark, –now in complete shock.
“Dad!”
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