Dirty Mag

Yeah, it’s a weird, old folksy title, but what the fuck is going on with these two? Stephanie Seymour and her son are pictured above, kissing each other on the mouth, arms wrapped around in each other in a passionate er… maternal embrace, and one of his hands is on her tit. I selected the picture furthest to the right for obvious reasons. The captions I would add to this as a slideshow would be:

1st Photo

Jr. Seymour: “Ooooh, mom! I love you mom!”

2nd Photo

Mrs. Seymour: “I love you too, this is totally a normal thing for us to be doing!”

3rd Photo

Jr. Seymour: Oh my god, what’s happening!?

Mrs. Seymour: “I don’t know, but from this angle you look more like your father!”

Yeah, I’m probably sick, but seriously, that’s what it looks like to me, is happening there. Ew. Say what you will about me, I only groped my mom’s tits while breastfeeding. And it’s totally normal that I was breastfed until I started high school.

In every school I ever went to, and I’ve been to many, on account of being such a bad girl, there’s always the tale of a girl and her mishap with a hot dog. Not a polish sausage, –which would be my first choice, –or a bratwurst, –but always a hot dog, at various temperatures. I’ve heard several versions of the story, but these two are my favorite:

Once upon an afternoon, this unnamed high school girl is horny, and looking all over the house to find something to use to masturbate, not once considering of course, that she has ten perfectly good fingers, and two, more than adequate fists. Alas, there are no dildos, no vibrators, not even a back massager. She abandons those rooms and heads to the kitchen, where there are no phallic utensils, or even taper candles. There aren’t any carrots, no cucumbers, not a single zucchini, so she almost gives up hope, before opening the door to the freezer, in the last hope that perhaps, there’s a big ice cube to play with.

Alas! no ice. But there is a package of frozen hot dogs. She removes the pack, pulls one out, runs in her room, and proceeds to stick the helpless food item in her panties for some fun. Sadly, just as she’s entered her rabbit hole, she realizes that the hot dog is way too cold! And, it’s stuck. Poor girl has to go to the emergency room, where of course, for some reason, there’s another student from our high school there.

The second version:

You know how, some of those peddlers of smelted scraps wrapped in synthetic casings, advertise by saying “they plump when cooked”? Well, this was another girl’s whole attraction to the perilous food item. Again, apparently, in a horny moment, a girl searches the whole house, but she’s different because although she knows she has fingers, she can’t use them. She’s just had a mani, and there are sharp edges on her fingernails. And I can’t say I’d want those claws on my clit either! But there are hot dogs! So she pops one in the microwave, waits for it to plump and split open.

Once it’s nice and warm, she heads off to feed her pussy, but unfortunately, her pussy bites off more than it can chew. The hot dog breaks apart, and she’s forced to go in after it, and each time, the hot dog’s severed end slides a little further out of reach. Uh-oh; apparently, she ends up at the emergency room, with lots of scratches and half of a hot dog inside her pussy. Where once again, in a bizarre twist of fate, yet another student is waiting to overhear the tale!

If the idea of your lover bound and submerged into water sounds appealing to you, then read on.

Water bondage is a form of sex play where BDSM mixes with breath control, immersion, water sex and much more. One is  bound and then either dunked, sprayed or drenched in water.  This is one of many fetishes that has no right or wrong way of doing it – you can bound your lover, toss them in the shower and fuck them any way you like or you can tie them up and spray them with a high pressured hose to mix bondage and pain. There are countless methods here perfect for anyone interested in water and BDSM.

But like all sex play – caution is a MUST. If one is not careful they can seriously injure or even kill their partner. So play safe.

Frotteurism is an paraphilia in which someone is interested in rubbing, usually their pelvis or erect penis, against a non-consenting person for sexual gratification. It may involve touching any part of the person’s body, including the genital area. This activity is often done in circumstances where the victim may not notice, in a public place such as a crowded train or concert.

Someone who practices frotteurism is known as a frotteur. Most frotteurs are male and the majority of victims are female,  although female on male, female on female, and male on male frotteurs do exist.

Usually, such nonconsensual sexual contact is seen as a criminal offense: a form of sexual assault.  Conviction may result in a sentence or psychiatric treatment.

Partialism is a fetishistic behaviour characterized by sexual arousal by specific body parts, this tends to exclude the genitals.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, the diagnostic criteria of this paraphilia are that the individual has experienced intense sexual urges, arousal or behavior involving specific body parts for at least six months. Partialists may become so absolutely obsessed with a particular body part that simple touch may bring them to orgasm. Some of the most common fetish parts are breasts, legs, feet, hair (particularly red), ears, and toes.

Few fetishists with partialism will seek help for it, but some might, in certain cases the paraphilia becomes such an obsession that it affects their day to day life.

Symphorophilia is a paraphilia in which someone is sexually aroused by watching a disaster. These disasters may include something like a fire or a car accident. The person may fantasize about a disaster or watch a real one taking place until he or she becomes aroused and then orgasms.

In some rare cases, an accident that may injure or even kill someone may actually bring the symphorophiliac to the point of orgasm quicker. In a few very rare cases, the fetishist may actually plan out and cause the disaster themselves in order to get off. So it’s not unlikely that an arsonist is setting things ablaze because of sexual desires, but like I said, this is very rare.

Autagonistophilia is a paraphilia in which someone is aroused by being watched while engaging in sexual acts.

This fetish consists of arousal from being observed while engaging in sexual acts, or from exposing one’s naked body or genitals to strangers while on stage or on camera. Unlike exhibitionism, where the person reveals themselves to unsuspecting people, a person with autagonistophilia will create a situation where someone could watch them if they wanted to.

The perfect situation for someone with this paraphilia would be a live sex show. If you are an autagonistophiliac and are considering joining or starting a sex show, keep in mind that not all cities allow it. Some places consider a form of prostitution, however there are a few that are fine with sex shows.

Inflatophilia  is a fetish that can vary in what the inflatophile enjoys. It might be an attraction to inflatable animals and toys (even balloons and inflatable furniture), deriving sexual pleasure from wearing inflatable suits, or even getting aroused from the thought of people inflating like balloons. Someone with this fetish will most likely enjoy the company of a blow-up doll a little more than the average user.

Some inflatophiles enjoy an act known as Popping, which is the deliberate destruction of an inflatable object through puncturing, over-inflation, compression or damaging the exterior in some other manner. This may not be a sexual act though, sometimes it’s simply an act of amusement.

Martymachlia is getting sexually aroused by having someone watch you and your partner have sex. A martymachliac may ask a third person to watch, or they may purposely have sex in an area where they will get caught, in the hopes that the person will watch them.

Then you have voyeurism, which is getting sexually aroused by watching others have sex (or simply looking at them naked). People with this usually masturbate while they watch, and they’re usually doing it all in secret.

But if you get a martymachliac and a voyeurist together, then you’ve got the perfect combination – everyone’s happy.

I’ll be talking about something a little different today – vacuum beds (also called vacbeds). Usually used in BDSM play, these beds are an intense bondage device that  allows one to vacuum-pack a partner in latex.

Here is how it works, a person is placed in a latex envelope spanned by a frame, then a suction pump (a vacuum cleaner or shop vac) removes most of the air in the envelope. The person that is inside the envelope breathes through a tube, although, there are vacbeds where a person’s entire body is covered except for their head.

Like any kind of bondage play, people should be cautious. Should anything go wrong there is serious risk of suffocation and/or death, so be careful.