Dirty Mag

I hate having to decide between porno movies for stimulation, and horror movies for actual entertainment, so it’s always a relief to find a horror movie with decent nudity in it; that is to say, more than one scene with tits. Because, more often than not, there’s like one titty shot that lasts five seconds, tops, and that’s it. Not that the gore and mindless violence don’t keep me entertained, but nudity is important for a good horror film too. The Clinic (2011) is about a backwoods baby-ectomy, –late term pregnancy, so we can assume they snatched the baby. There’s lots of weird nudity and full frontal shots with a badly stitched stomach wound. Never understood the whole, waking up in a bathtub full of ice with stitched incision concept; wouldn’t it be less troublesome to just take your organs/baby and leave without bothering to sew them up? If you’re willing to sink to baby/kidney stealing, why not murder? The world of cinema logic is a strange one.

And how much more blunt can I be? Some women shouldn’t wear leggings… ever. Especially if the leggings are worn, and the woman in question has two asses instead of one, and tends to think of panties as optional at best, and ‘infrequently’ at worst. Amanda Seyfried is not one of these women, although, judging by the back end being shown off in one of these pics, it looks like ‘panties are optional’ part, might have stuck. Because I cannot see a panty line anywhere on that girl’s ass, and the only kind of panties that can be this evasive, is the legendary g-string, also known as ass floss. And I’m perfectly okay with that. And hopefully, in her next movie, Seyfried will be persuaded to show off more than the ‘nil’ she shows off in her upcoming ‘Red Riding Hood.’

Amber Portwood is best known as the abusive bitch from MTV’s reality show Teen Mom. She was that giant sack of crazy the beat the shit out of her baby’s daddy. Yeah, you remember her. Well, karma is a bigger bitch and some naughty pictures of Amber have hit the net. Thank you internet. The pics show the dirty girl stripping down to nothing and while that may sound hot, it’s not. The giant baby tattoo kinda takes away from the sex appeal, that and the fact that she’s nasty. The funny thing is that according to her friends, Amber thinks herself a pinup model.

“Amber fancies herself an old-fashioned pin-up girl. She posed the way she thought a pin-up would.”

Ahaha! Yeah, keep trying, maybe you’ll get there one day.

Back when Avril Lavigne first hit the music scene she was this little anti-girly tomboy that wore nothing but baggy clothes and sang about being true to yourself and shit. Nowadays, she’s all grown up and dressed down… to barely anything. Singing about casual sex and walking around in nothing more than her undies, I gotta say, I dig the grown up Avril. In the video for “What the Hell,” the new lead single to her upcoming album “Goodbye Lullaby,” Avril flaunts her curves in every scene, and this chick looks fucking hot. If you want to see a half naked and perfectly curvy Avril I highly suggest checking out the video here.

Paz de la Huerta has been showing her goodies for some time now on Boardwalk Empire, and as much as we love seeing that tight ass of hers, we really really love seeing her naked and grinding against one incredibly lucky actor.

In the short video titled “Nothing Personal” from filmmaker Matt Black, you can find the sexy Paz de la Huerta nude and going all reverse cowgirl in front of the camera. The video doesn’t really make sense, and she doesn’t even let the poor guy cum, but hell, you’ve got tits, ass and a hot scene, so it’s all good.

You can watch the video HERE.

Ah, young people today work so hard to live up to their role models. Taylor Momsen, at 17, –still underage, people, goes on stage with her band ‘The Pretty Reckless’, and she definitely keeps the theme of the band alive by wearing a mini dress and thigh high boots. Except the dress is ass-less, and she spends a lot of time bent over, making most of the guys there check the calendars on their POS smartphones for her 18th birthday. Sorry guys, no go; she won’t be 18 until the end of July, but then you can get out your rohypnol and ketamine. Although by the way she’s dressed, it doesn’t exactly look like she needs a tranquilizer to consider screwing pretty much anybody. Throw a cup of ice water on your crotch, or, just remember: that’s Cindy Lou Who you’re masturbating to!

Yep, that’s right kids, you can now start honing all your ‘Aeon Fucks’ jokes. Adrianne Curry, from America’s Next Top Model, is also into cosplay, which probably bring many nerds to Bonerville, just reading that. But wait till you see her costume for Aeon Flux. The creepy cartoon that inspired the even more bizarre film is apparently on Curry’s list of classics, and probably for the same reason it’s in the list of classics for every perv out there: Curry has -got- to be bi. So what I want to know is, when is she going to get a hot friend to dress up as monkey girl? And don’t lie, how cool would it be to see one chick give four hand jobs at the same time?

If she’s not artistically flaunting her tits in a magazine, she’s artistically flaunting her tits at the Grammy’s. And now that she’s 18, all I can say is ‘flaunt away’. Meanwhile, her daddy’s blaming all their ‘family problems’ …which I guess is redneck speak for domestic violence, –on the Disney show ‘Hannah Montana’. Psh, since when is it a big surprise that Disney brings out the whore in their young actresses. Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens, —all Disney child actresses. And each one is just an inch away from working at an escort service. Speaking of, am I the only freak here who now has twins fantasies, thanks to Lindsay Lohan? Here are some pics of Miley’s tits, to keep you all warm and fuzzy on the winter nights. And I can’t think of a better way to keep your head warm…

Usually the publication of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition rocks cocks, but this year, eh, not so much. While cover girl Irina Shayk is perfectly sexy from head to toe, with those full lips, flawless tits and curves, the other girls in the mag really don’t really match her level of hotness. Sure, they all have a great body, but neck up, they leave a lot to be desired. From Brooklyn Decker to Cintia Dicker I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell Sports Illustrated was thinking! Maybe I’m too picky, but I so do not find these women attractive in the least. At least they have a nice rack.

Yep, the English TV Host Lizzie Cundy has now become  ‘Lizzie Cunty’, –which is a terrible corny pun, but hey, as cheap as that is, maybe it’s cheaper to make six figures a year, and still not wear any panties. Or take better care of your bush. So no, okay, we didn’t get full on bare pussy on in these pics, but we did get half a bush, plus, Lizzie Cundy is hot. Or she would be if it weren’t for the fact that she’s tanned herself into toasted melanoma, surgically altered her face so many time she looks like Michael Jackson after his millionth nosejob, and …she’s like, old and wrinkly. But the pussy still looks edible, if nothing else.