Dirty Mag

Victoria Silvstedt is one of my favorite MILFs. Yeah, she’s not quite 40 yet and she doesn’t have children, but she gets honorary MILF status regardless. Or if that’s still too controversial, let’s just go with trophy wife. A bad actress and drop-dead sexy model, she was pretty popular in the ’90s and, more recently, had her own reality TV show. Is that important? No. Because up there are three pictures of this busty blonde bimbo in a little red bikini, resulting in lots of wonderful cleavage. It’s crazy to imagine having someone like her for a wife, or Courtney Stodden for those of you who prefer barely-legal teens to nearly-40 trophy wives. Arm candy in the purest form, really. Big-titted, tight-outfitted, long-legged arm candy. You’d think the guys who marry these women would be too distracted to do anything else, but somehow they manage, and that’s oddly respectable. It would be like having a Cinnabon store next door to your house and still managing to stay thin.

There’s a new X-Men movie coming out…eventually, and Jennifer Lawrence will be returning as blue-skinned shapeshifter Mystique. Since First Class, Jennifer Lawrence has appeared in a number of films and built quite a following, so I imagine there are also even more horny dudes like us who are excited to see her as Mystique once again. After all, when her costume is little more than blue paint over her nude body, she has all the other mutant ladies outclassed. The first image was tweeted by Bryan Singer from the set of the new film, the second is an image from First Class, and the third… Well, I figured that the beautiful Rebecca Romijn, who played Mystique in the earlier films, deserves some additional recognition. And so do her tits. Which Mystique actress do you prefer? And are you excited to see Ellen Page return to play Kitty Pryde/Shadowcat?

Want to see some supermodel tits? I got you covered. It would seem that Miranda Kerr had a complete wardrobe malfunction, her clothing falling down to not only give a nip slip, but to show both of her breasts pretty much completely! It’s not as if we haven’t seen Miranda Kerr topless before, but accidental nudity is always hotter for some bizarre reason. Candice Swanepoel, whose name I always mistype, went the more intentional route with a nipple-flashing photo for Germany’s Interview magazine. While she’s probably better known for her long, skinny legs, baring a nipple works just as well to draw attention. It’s pretty amazing just how often models show off their breasts without an apparent care in the world, and I only wish that sort of carefree attitude would extend to singers and actresses. What a wonderful world it would be where Christina Hendricks would regularly be seen sunbathing nude.

Jared Leto is one of those guys you should be jealous of on sheer principle. Handsome dude, good actor, has a band, and is dating the stunning model Katharina Damm. I could make lots of puns about how she’s “Damm hot” or whatever, but I’ll just leave it at that one. I think her body speaks more than uncreative puns ever could. I have to assume she has fake boobs given how skinny she is and how big and perky those are, but…look at how big and perky they are! Being a studly actor/musician must be a difficult existence, and then he has to sleep with that. I weep for him. But really, the guy is seriously living the life. He may be beaten by Tom Brady, however, with his three Super Bowl rings and his marriage to Gisele Bundchen. On the other hand, Jared Leto also dated Cameron Diaz and, supposedly, Britney Spears, Ashley Olsen, Scarlett Johansson, and a host of random models. Sounds like someone beat the devil at a card game.

And just like that, it’s back to big fake tits. Coco Austin has one of the most ridiculous(ly sexy) bodies of any celeb, with a very shapely hourglass figure. Her tits are always great to look at, especially like this where they’re barely covered by her trashy-hot bikini. But it’s her ass that always gets the most attention, probably because those wide hips of hers practically demand attention. She’s one of those women who seems to just be designed to make a bikini look as sexual as possible. But I suppose I could say that about any outfit that Coco tries on. It’s a tremendous superpower, really, though it seems that she uses hers for good, given how often she tweets photos of her cleavage and ass for millions of people around the world. She’s like Power Girl without any of the other actual powers.

I’ve been posting a lot of big fake tits lately, so how about celebrating Zoe Saldana and her small-yet-awesome boobs? I’m pretty hyped for the new Star Trek film, and seeing more of Zoe Saldana as Uhura in that sexy little Starfleet uniform. She’s out in a simple top and jeans, but she’s either braless or cold as fuck, because her nipples stand out proudly beneath the thin shirt. It always seems to be the thinner celebrities that have these nipple pokie photos, perhaps because they don’t need a bra? Or maybe it’s because of their perkiness that has them pointing straight out and at-attention. Whatever the reason, it’s always nice to see shots like this. As an added bonus for ass fans and denim lovers, there’s also a nice photo from behind of her bending over.

Well, that was quick! Soon after Vivid released some teaser photos from Farrah Abraham’s sex tape, the tape itself has been released. Again, sex tape is technically correct, but this is pretty much a porn film rather than two people deciding to film themselves for the hell of it. Her co-star is James Fucking Deen, after all. On the plus side, it makes it a pretty enjoyable movie since she’s hot and he knows what he’s doing. Titled “Back Door Teen Mom“, this isn’t just a euphemism for doggystyle sex; she actually does anal, which also sets her apart from most of the celebrity sex tapes we’ve seen so far. And she’s a squirter. And she expects us to believe this is a leaked, private sex tape. It’s bewildering as hell, but it’s also hot as hell, so go and check it out for yourself if you want to see the fake-titted Teen Mom get her ass and pussy stuffed with porn star dick.

Click here to watch the back door teen mom sex tape

I brought up Farrah Abraham’s sex tape not too long ago, particularly the hilarious bit that her co-star is a rather famous porn actor, Mr. James Deen. Yeah, this isn’t some leaked sex tape of her and an old boyfriend, this is her wanting to film a goddamn porn movie at all costs. And should that really require so much deception? The Teen Mom star has now apparently let some photos from the videos leak out and, let’s face it, she’s definitely hot enough to make most guys want to see more. I know I’ll check the full video out, at least. These photos aren’t exactly graphic yet, but they do feature some very clear topless shots of her sexy body. I think her breast implants were already common knowledge and featured on the show, but if you had any doubts you can just make out the scar beneath her breast in one of the images.

It’s May, which means this is simply the first time I’ve posted Miley Cyrus this month. She has a knack for landing some hot photoshoots, and this one for V magazine is no exception. Her normally-blonde, punky hairstyle looks considerably darker in these photos, and then dyed with other colors. So if you ever wanted to see Miley Cyrus with pink or platinum hair, now’s your lucky day. While she’s not exactly known for her breasts, she shows them off more than a little, with one shot showing her half-topless, her bare breast covered only by her groping hand. In another, we get wonderful underboob while most of the rest of her body is decked out in black leather. Hell, she even flashes some ass, pulling down her pants to show off the upper curves of her rear, a far more pleasant sight here than it is on the plumbers who popularized the “look”.

I’ve had a bit of a crush on Rose Leslie for a while now, ever since seeing her on Downton Abbey. A cute redhead with a slightly hoarse/husky voice and a sexy accent, saying she’s oddly captivating is an understatement. I resigned myself to the likely fact that I wouldn’t be seeing her nude on Downton, but rejoiced to hear she was cast as the fiery wildling Ygritte in Game of Thrones. She popped up last season, cockteasing the hell out of poor Jon Snow (and, by extension, us), but now we all finally got to see Rose Leslie nude in last night’s episode. It was a pleasant surprise, especially if you’re a fan of skinny chicks. Thin and lean, she still has a perky handful of tits and, if that isn’t a body double for the behind shots, one hell of an ass. It’s a shame that body spends so much time bundled up in a couple dozen pounds of furs.