Dirty Mag

Very rarely, is there a subject that comes along, to which I can say “I don’t know how to feel about this.” But truthfully, this would be the crowning product. I’ve seen vampire dildos that sparkle and ‘stay cold’, sex toys for dogs, and cologne that smells like pussy. But ‘Baby Gaga’ ice cream, served by, you bet, a Lady Gaga impersonator, that is made from human breast milk, is the weirdest thing I have heard of, being commercially sold for adult consumption. Would I eat this? Possibly. I’m not sure. Would I pay £15 to roll the dice on a single scoop of ice cream that might in fact, make me projectile vomit by the thought alone of its origins? No.

And how much more blunt can I be? Some women shouldn’t wear leggings… ever. Especially if the leggings are worn, and the woman in question has two asses instead of one, and tends to think of panties as optional at best, and ‘infrequently’ at worst. Amanda Seyfried is not one of these women, although, judging by the back end being shown off in one of these pics, it looks like ‘panties are optional’ part, might have stuck. Because I cannot see a panty line anywhere on that girl’s ass, and the only kind of panties that can be this evasive, is the legendary g-string, also known as ass floss. And I’m perfectly okay with that. And hopefully, in her next movie, Seyfried will be persuaded to show off more than the ‘nil’ she shows off in her upcoming ‘Red Riding Hood.’

Of course, something as ingenious as a nude cooking show couldn’t possibly happen in the United States; so if you want to watch it on television, you have to either move to Hong Kong, or become a pirate, aka, anyone who can use the Internet. Leave it to those Asian women to think of something like cooking nude in order to get men more interested in cooking. Please honey, Asian men are chauvinists, and the reason they’re watching you cook naked is because they want to see you in a position that makes you as objectified as possible. And rightly so! Get in the kitchen, woman, make me a sammich, and do it nekkid!

Ah, young people today work so hard to live up to their role models. Taylor Momsen, at 17, –still underage, people, goes on stage with her band ‘The Pretty Reckless’, and she definitely keeps the theme of the band alive by wearing a mini dress and thigh high boots. Except the dress is ass-less, and she spends a lot of time bent over, making most of the guys there check the calendars on their POS smartphones for her 18th birthday. Sorry guys, no go; she won’t be 18 until the end of July, but then you can get out your rohypnol and ketamine. Although by the way she’s dressed, it doesn’t exactly look like she needs a tranquilizer to consider screwing pretty much anybody. Throw a cup of ice water on your crotch, or, just remember: that’s Cindy Lou Who you’re masturbating to!

Yep, that’s right kids, you can now start honing all your ‘Aeon Fucks’ jokes. Adrianne Curry, from America’s Next Top Model, is also into cosplay, which probably bring many nerds to Bonerville, just reading that. But wait till you see her costume for Aeon Flux. The creepy cartoon that inspired the even more bizarre film is apparently on Curry’s list of classics, and probably for the same reason it’s in the list of classics for every perv out there: Curry has -got- to be bi. So what I want to know is, when is she going to get a hot friend to dress up as monkey girl? And don’t lie, how cool would it be to see one chick give four hand jobs at the same time?

If she’s not artistically flaunting her tits in a magazine, she’s artistically flaunting her tits at the Grammy’s. And now that she’s 18, all I can say is ‘flaunt away’. Meanwhile, her daddy’s blaming all their ‘family problems’ …which I guess is redneck speak for domestic violence, –on the Disney show ‘Hannah Montana’. Psh, since when is it a big surprise that Disney brings out the whore in their young actresses. Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Vanessa Hudgens, —all Disney child actresses. And each one is just an inch away from working at an escort service. Speaking of, am I the only freak here who now has twins fantasies, thanks to Lindsay Lohan? Here are some pics of Miley’s tits, to keep you all warm and fuzzy on the winter nights. And I can’t think of a better way to keep your head warm…

Yep, the English TV Host Lizzie Cundy has now become  ‘Lizzie Cunty’, –which is a terrible corny pun, but hey, as cheap as that is, maybe it’s cheaper to make six figures a year, and still not wear any panties. Or take better care of your bush. So no, okay, we didn’t get full on bare pussy on in these pics, but we did get half a bush, plus, Lizzie Cundy is hot. Or she would be if it weren’t for the fact that she’s tanned herself into toasted melanoma, surgically altered her face so many time she looks like Michael Jackson after his millionth nosejob, and …she’s like, old and wrinkly. But the pussy still looks edible, if nothing else.

How lucky can one ‘razzi get, in a single car rush? You know what I mean, that sudden chase… “Holy crap, Hermione’s getting in the car, she’s GETTING INTO THE CAR!!! GOGOGO!” and then she’s surrounded by a bunch of jerks snapping photos. Well, this one guy was damn lucky; not only did he catch a panty shot while she was getting into the car, but also caught a nipple slip once she was settled in. All this could have, of course, been avoided had she worn a bra and a skirt that a bit longer than a cocktail napkin. But why bother? Then we wouldn’t have been able to see her panties, or her tits; so I’m a staunch supporter of slutty clothes.

Kelly Brook, significant other of Jason Statham for a short while, and most famous for her mostly nude role in Piranha, as Danni, –has seriously been up to some shit. Most women will take their clothes if they’re convinced that what they’re doing is art. “It’s art,” is all you have to say, and suddenly the clothes come off, and they’re only too happy to show off their tits. And while some of it does actually turn out artistic, Kelly Brook’s photo spread in Exhibition magazine’s ‘lipstick’ theme edition, is weird and kind of gross looking. I’m just looking past it for the full frontal nudity, which does includes shots of tits, and real live bush, as well as clit hood. Delightful. And of course I’ve included the juiciest shots in the gallery.

Side-Boob is a term coined by one of my best guy friends ever; it’s the side of the boob, obviously, but it’s really sexy, because if you’re an optimist, you get to see almost half a tit. For free. No credit card required… Sure there’s no nipple, but as it turns out, we have the nipples for you in the gallery too. It’s a cold day out there, and the winds a’blowin’. But not even the wind is any match for Miley Cyrus’s DSLs. Sadly, her body is seriously going downhill; compare the pics. All of them are recent, but one of them has been so photoshopped, it’s insane.