Dirty Mag

Mr. Skin is one of the best celebrity nude sites out there, and when it comes to juicy, straight up nasty celebrity bitches doing crazy shit, they more than deliver the goods. But the television shows they watch are just silly. These are their “best nude scenes of 2011“.

Bianca Kajlich comes in at #10… and I have no idea why. Rules of Engagement is a sitcom, and as far as I know, no one is racing to the couch every week to see it. Plus, she looks like a rejected try-out for Jersey Shore.

Jessica Chastain is a great pick because she’s been big this year, especially in The Help. But the only nude scene they could dig up on her was from “Jolene”, which came out three years ago.

The lesbian sex scene from Game of Thrones, where ‘Little Finger’ is teaching two hotties how to make girl-on-girl action exciting, –that was a great pick also. But, it’s too bad these two chicks are just extras who happen to get naked. Esme Bianco is a former burlesque dancer, and Sahara Knite is a Muslim porn star in Britain (sounds like the name of a …really stupid porno).

Evan Rachel Wood, Elizabeth Olsen, Kirsten Dunst, and Emmy Rossum are the best of the rest, and even so… Evan Rachel Wood’s full frontal in Mildred Pierce was nothing to complain about, but Elizabeth Olsen? The only thing that really makes her notable is the trivia behind her name: she’s the Olsen twins’ younger sister. And she’s the first of the Olsen brats to get naked on screen.

Don’t get me started on Kirsten Dunst’s nude scenes from that mondo-depressive shitstorm Melancholia. They made her look old, and undead. Not like, “vampire undead”, but like, zombie undead, for those of you who have too large of a reference frame for the varieties of attractive states of death.

My favorite is Emmy Rossum, first and foremost because I’ve had dirty lesbian fantasies about her since Phantom of the Opera, but also because she has fantastic tits, a great ass, and she honestly seems to be comfortable with her body on screen. She’s one of those girls who look like they know how to have fun while they fuck, and I love that in a human being, regardless of equipment.

Lindsay Lohan gets naked for Playboy!

And you know, anyone who’ll buy her drinks for the night. This strategy only works if you have the thousands of dollars necessary to get her drunk, however, so don’t take that advice and run with it. Playboy probably paid big bucks to get Lindsay Lohan naked (suckers), but we’re glad they did. While the shoot doesn’t show any pink (sadface), there are some great shots of Lindsay’s ass and tits (happyface). Lindsay Lohan’s tits are fantastic; she’s had no kids to nurse, so her nipples aren’t gross, and although I’m sure that there are stretch-marks somewhere under the photoshopping, she looks fabulous to me. Favorite shot: the one where she’s looking down while turning back to face the camera, one knee on the couch. She has a great ass, and this shot makes my pussy twitch… mostly because I’d like to sneak up behind her, bite her on the ass, and play with her tits for a few hours. Thank you Playboy, for the decades of inspirational masturbation fantasies! Oh … and hey, pssst! There’s more below containing some of our favorite Lindsay pics through the years.

And honestly, what else is it good for? Seriously? Titanic has a few scenes with some action, some great SPLAT! moments, too, but really, it was a long, long, LONG, love story, that was told by an ancient old broad who tosses a billion bucks into the ocean. So if you’d rather fast-forward through the romantic musings of an Alzheimer’s-ridden geriatric, to get to the real action, we won’t stop you. Kate Winslet has an amazing rack: or at least, she did in this movie. So grab the popcorn, the lube, and the remote…. and take this baby for a test drive!

As a fellow fetishist and superfreak, I have to say, I’m impressed with Mr. Skin’s latest line-up. There’s a new feature on the site that’s famous for its coverage of celebrities… with the covers off! Yeah, lame nudity joke, I know. But now, celebrities aren’t appearing just -nude-, –Mr. Skin has dragged up the dirtiest scenes of celebrity fetishism and compiled them for those of us who like our celebrity sex spicy, and less vanilla. Heather Graham, Jessica Biel, Jennifer Tilly (wearing a bit gag! eep!) and many more celebrities are shown doing things in their career that they probably found themselves hiring a lawyer to hide. And best of all, it comes from a quality source. Check out Mr. Skin’s Celebrity Fetish Tour now!

And what else can we expect from the Kardashians? Personally, my favorite is Khloe. I absolutely love Khloe Kardashian’s ass. I could probably spend a day just admiring it… and chewing on it. But alas, these are not photos of Khloe’s beautiful big booty… they’re pictures of Kim and Kourtney Kardashian in bikinis… which is almost as good. Kim’s butt has definitely expanded in the last year, so I can’t complain. We’ve included a gallery full of Kardashian T&A, and speaking of Kim’s tits, do I detect swelling? Looks like her boobs have gone up a size, –pretty soon, they’ll be as big as her ass. And how will Kourtney’s white girl proportions ever measure up?

Games of Thrones is practically bursting at its figurative seams with sex, nudity, and… for some reason, incest. Which makes sense, sort of, since incestuous marriages and relations were pretty frequent in the medieval era. So for those of you with sister and brother fantasies, this show is for you. On the other hand, if you don’t want to fuck your sister, –which is okay too, –there’s still plenty of hot scenes. We get to see Emilia Clarke nude in almost every episode, and Lena Headey having sex in one, but she was way hotter in 300. There are also tons of scenes with various whores to look forward to,

If you thought Oscar the Grouch was the character most likely to turn to adult entertainment, you were wrong, –apparently, Elmo, what with his crazy tickling fetish, was the first to turn to the dark side. Or Elmer, sorry. The fact that he went there with Katy Perry isn’t that surprising. Katy Perry, Snoop, Lady Gaga, and Rihanna are some of the parody cast members. I have to say, I think lady gaga probably would have been fine about being in the film, if they asked her. I doubt she’d have any qualms about having sex with a Sesame Street puppet. And don’t forget a spoofed Russell Brand appearance! The wig is rather similar to Brand’s actual hairstyle, –as accurate as his overly inarticulate accent. You can watch the hilarious trailer here. I hope you’ll like Katy Pervy as much as I did.

As I sit here, enjoying some ice, some rain, and some cartoons, I occasionally end up seeing things I don’t really want to see. That’s the joy of fully embracing NetFlix. Then I click off into a boredom inspired surfing spree and run into something like Sammi Sweetheart, from Jersey Shore, on her hands and knees with her ass pointed at the camera. She’s looking over her shoulder as if to say “Cock is invited, no RSVP required,” –at least, she is if it’s actually her. There’s been mention that one of the lesser known “guidas” from Jersey Shore’s porno-pic is less than genuine. If you ask me though, they ought to have long ago thrown these chicks into porn, because honestly, –would you rather see these brassy chicks acting like idiots on camera… or acting like whores on camera? I know where my vote’s going.

That’s right guys, the most annoying fag hag on the planet TwitPic’d a topless shot, and –it was shortly deleted, either by her, or TwitPic. Thank god we managed to capture the absurdity of this woman’s withered and floppy boobs before it was permanently wiped off the face of the Internet. Sorry, I just do -not- find this woman attractive. Or funny. I’d rather buy a ticket for Celine Dion than get into a Kathy Griffin show for free. Barf. But for all you sickos who have wanted to see Griffin’s tits, –here they are…. pitiful, flat things that seem to be giving sad, hound dog eyes at whomever they meet.

I loved Piranha 3D; not just for the tits. It was genuinely funny, and the horror aspect was cheesy but it had punch. Like a hundred topless chicks, eaten, disemboweled, and full on munched hardcore, by piranhas, and not to mention, the hour or so of consolidated topless and full frontal nudity footage. Also very cool. The next film, titled “Piranha 3DD” will also have 3D boobs, and will be filmed in a water park. Bikini clad twenty-something girls get wet and wild and … less bikini clad, in waters that have been invaded (somehow seems -really unlikely-) by flesh eating piranhas. I wonder why they didn’t continue with the giant adult piranha storyline that was left abandoned at the end of the second film. But oh well. I’m for it.