Dirty Mag

So I was looking forward to checking out the Evan Rachel Wood hot full-frontal nude in Mildred Pierce, weren’t you?  I find out she’s wearing a merkin, and that it’s a popular pubic wig they have actresses wear for nude scenes.  Evan said “Let’s just say, I had to wear a wig because it was in the 30s, and everything had to look like it was in the 30s.”  Is nothing sacred?  A pubic wig?  What kind of sadistic motherfucker invented this?  I’d like to punch him in the throat.  With a rusty screwdriver.  That’s all it takes to completely ruin a series.  Sometimes it’s hard enough getting lost in a great show, but all the while you’re setup in advance with thoughts of fake pubes floating around taunting you in the back of your mind every few minutes.  Merkin, merkin, merkin, insanity!  Taking a look at this snapshot, I have to wonder… why bother?

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”

He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”

Old man on front porch watching the sunrise.. He sees the neighbour’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

Boy yells back “Roll of chicken wire.”

Old man says “What you gonna do with that?”

Boy says “Gonna catch some chickens.”

Old man yells “You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 5 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.

Old man yells out “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

Boy yells back “Roll of duck tape.”

Old man says “What you gonna do with that?”

Boy says back “Gonna catch me some ducks.”

Old man yells back, “You damn fool, you can’t catch ducks with duck tape!”

Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man’s amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 3 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

Old man says “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

Boy says “It’s a pussy willow.” Old man says “Wait up … I’ll get my hat.”

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. “Damn, that was stupid,” she thought as she fell. “What a way to die.”
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, “Do you suck?”
“No!” she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. “Do you screw?” he asked.
“Of course not!” she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. “I suck! I screw!” she screamed in panic.
“Slut!” he said, and dropped her.

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.

A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.

The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.

After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, “I’m only here to listen to the music.”

“Yeah?” replied the man. “We’re only here to see our dog.”

One morning in Ireland, a woman in was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

“You’re a leprechaun,” she says, “I caught you and you owe me three wishes!”

So the leprechaun replies, “OK, you caught me fair and square, what’s your first wish?”

The woman stops and thinks for a second, “I want a huge mansion to live in.”

The leprechaun replies, “OK, you’ve got it.”

The woman again thinks it over. “My second wish is a Mercedes,” she says.

“OK, you’ve got that too,” the leprechaun confirms.

“My last wish is a million dollars!” she claims, bouncing up and down.

The leprechaun then says, “OK, you’ve got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me.”

“OK then, if that’s what it takes…” she says.

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

“Tell me,” says the man, “how old are you?”

“I’m 27″, she replies.

“Fuck me,” says the man, “27 and you still believe in leprechauns?”

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

We’ll soon be covering the latest sex tape scandals and nipple slips, upskirts, panties, oops, paparazzi peeks, and more on Dirty Mag!  As the dust settles on the new construction feel free to wander over to CelebSkin for an A to Z compilation of screen captures from all the latest videos.  http://www.celebskin.com/