5 Hilarious Sex Toys

Admittedly, I own one of the “top 25 most disturbing sex toys” listed by Cracked.com, –the OhMiBod. Is it weird that I use it while listening to classical music? Anyway, here’s a list of our five favorite, weird sex toys. At least.. until they make some new ones.

1. Canned, Disposable Pussy – Oh yeah, you heard it. Inside, there’s squishy lubes, and soft spongy stuff that doesn’t exactly resemble skin, but meh, there’s free lube. You just pop the top, pop your top, then throw it in the trash. And there’s a hot anime babe on the side of the can too.

2. The Vee-String Masturbator – Though this thing does look pretty terrifying, one can easily see the transgender appeal. The idea is to basically wear a prosthetic pussy, like underwear. Although it is, in a way innovative, I can’t get over the Silence of the Lambs thing when I look at it.

3. I Rub My Duckie Massager – Okay, there really is no excuse for this thing; sure, it’s a cute idea for bath-time fun, but honestly, there’s no corresponding fetish for this. In the end, you’re just having sex with a cute little bath toy. If you’re old enough to buy your own sex toys, the least you can do is get a real one. Like…

2. The Drilldo – Just pop your dildo on one end, and crank the drill up. The only difference from a power tool is that it’s got a plastic barrel; oh and it’s not coated in grease and garage dirt. At least, not when it first comes out of the package.

1. The Baby Jesus Butt Plug – I’m not especially religious, but… I don’t think I’d ever consent to having this thing shoved up my ass. At least not without copious amounts of alcohol. Can someone email the manufacturer and ask why this thing is necessary? For people other than Linda Blair?

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1. Fleshlight Freaks – Sex Toys for Halloween

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